Mother’s Day. A day I try to not acknowledge while my kids refuse to let it go uncelebrated. Women’s Day I can swallow my discomfort and accept greetings, but on Mother’s Day I try to zone out. It is easier to do that than shout from the rooftops (via various social media channels) that hey, I am something more besides being a mother. But the world insists on seeing me only from that lens.  

One day I tried to count how many 'identities' I have.  I found that most of these identities revolved around motherhood or derivatives of that role. During the writing of my book, “Have the women left Venus? Decoding gender @ workplace” I discovered that:

a) Trying to fit into 'other’s' conception of a socially acceptable image is something most women in India have to do, whether single or married;  

b) My discomfiture was my problem, not anybody else’s.  MY conception of ME is a problem, if {ME} ≤ {Mother}. My projection of ME was in my hands. That realisation changed my beliefs and the way I approached my myriad roles in life. 

You see there are a few primary processes humans are born with – breathing, eating, procreating, etc. which are part of our nature. It is undeniable. Becoming a mother also is given to me by nature or God, as you like. How we wield that sword makes all the difference, allows me to bring social change. I decide the values my children grow up with. Whatever I teach them establishes their internal compass, of what is right and wrong, of what a woman can be, what kind of home she can create, who we are all are as human beings. Not even God can do that – create the type of human being that is honourable, kind, integral and truthful. That is the most sacrosanct act. Motherhood became the most valuable, honorable trophy I could have. It impacts many lives. And of course what style of motherhood I want is totally my choice, nobody can fire me, nor fault it. I am CEO here without any successor.  

Rather than making it about me, I have decided to make it about my Moms – the one who gave birth to me and the one who taught me to be a mother. To make it a day of appreciation for my Moms – because today if I have the choice to develop an identity outside motherhood then it is because all these women who never took that choice. The jobs or hobbies they gave up because husbands were travelling or wanted hot chappatis for lunch and dinner, or children whose needs came first. They never got paid, neither in love, money nor kind. In fact law, social compulsions, brothers, husbands and sons took away their financial independence.

I want all those who are reading this today to decide how they want to celebrate this day. By ridiculing a woman who takes her motherhood role seriously, not hire her because she is going to take on the role of God in somebody’s life?  Or celebrate her for taking a step back, ensure her financial future, enable her to balance her worldly life and her domestic life because she agrees to water the tree of life with her blood and toil. 

Buy your copy of my book 'Have the women left Venus' here to read more on excelling at life and work.
 

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